”The day begins when our head hits the pillow” - this is a quote Bill picked up and used to say. Its a good one to remind us to be mentally prepared for the next day, or to be ready for what was set up for the next day. Well, this night was going to be a long night and we did not want to prepare for what was to come, we already knew. It was Friday June 02,2017 and the Doctors had called a meeting. All the TEAMS, yes teams of doctors and nurses handling Michaels case were there, the room was packed. they told us that Micheal’s body was telling us he was done, ready to go home. We already knew this because the night before, we had already received several signs. I said to the doctors “I know, he’s going home” they looked at me puzzled and said “No, I don’t think you understand, he is passing, his VADS (heart pumps) are slowing down, son they will stop” I repeated
“I know! He is going home! ( pointing upward), they nodded with tears in their eyes. At this point so many were fighting for him and hoping. We spent that day praying saying our goodbyes, we were exhausted. Someone suggested Bill and I go stay at a nearby hotel to rest for what was to come. It was all so surreal, I felt like a walking zombie. I didn’t want to leave him but I wasn’t sure I could face the next day without some rest. We decided it would be a nice thing for his cousins to hold vigil with him all night, they talked to him, cracked jokes and even watched his favorite movies. I was hoping they would realize what a gift this was and something they could look back on. Something that would give them a perspective on how very precious life is and not to waste it.
It was so very difficult to leave but I just felt like I had nothing left to give. My mantra, my prayer was “In my weakness, He is my strength“.
Bill drove us to the hotel only a half a block away and the rest is a blur, little did we know the was a club directly below us and the music made the walls thump! I remember at one point thinking “ I want to go down there and scream to the top of my lungs. good thing I was so exhausted that I just passed out, thumping walls and all.
The next morning I just had to get over to the hospital, I did not want to wait for Bill. I told him I’d walk over there and meet him. I stopped by the hotel coffee bar to grab a quick cup of coffee for the walk over and hoping it would wake me up a bit more, three hours of sleep isnt much but it helped. I see is no one at the coffee bar, ”perfect!” I think and it will be quick, as I start pouring a cup a nicely dressed lady around my age walks up and begins to prepare her coffee. Turns out that the coffee carafe is out and now the front desk tells us they are coming. I’m waiting , holding my breath, I decide I am going to leave, when the person arrives with the coffee, this was the matter of minutes, yet felt like a lifetime. Deep breath...the lady next to me turns out to be a Chatty Cathy and I could only nod and smile so much when she begins to tell me her days schedule and how frustrated she is at her son who is always running late and whatever else she was complaining about. She was dressed to attend a wedding nearby and she went on and on about everything that was going wrong. She was very nice and I could see she just needed to vent but....SIGH.....BREATHE! I almost was out of there when she begins to ask me questions, I was holding back tears and she could see. She switched modes and asked, “ Are you having a bad day?”
I told her that I was on my way to Cedars Sinai to say goodbye to my 28 year old son Michael. She stood frozen with her eyes big and round, shocked. You see her son was named Michael around the same age. Here I stood showing her compassion as she vented about her son while I was on the way to say goodbye to mine. She immediately teared up and begged for forgiveness. She said ”this moment in time had changed my life” and no this is not an exaggeration, this was what we believers call a divine appointment. The beginning of our pain being used for His good.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Romans 8:28 NLT
I could only hope that her perspective in life and of her son has changed. This is how we can give our pain a purpose, this is how we turn beauty for ashes. We just need to be willing.
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