Grieving moms....a club I could of never imagined I would belong to. A mother’s worst nightmare is to lose a child, no matter what the age. If you are reading this and are a grieving mom I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Even though we use the word ”loss” I like to say I didn’t “lose” my son because I know where he is. I try to find comfort in this and also just being thankful for the time I did have with him. The pain is ever present but does soften over time and sometimes hits like a ton of bricks. I am comforted by other mommas that this is A normal part of grief. This kind of grief is not anything one can prepare for. I am thankful to serve a God that can comfort me in this time and also bring laborers along side to help me, help us if we allow it. I had a few friends that understood my grief like no one else could and maybe this is why its called a “club”, a club we really don‘t anyone to join. God had already provided the support group before I even knew. Without telling the whole story a friend following our journey saw what happened and decided I needed to meet Jacke, she connected us on FB and we scheduled a call. The funny thing is I forgot about this call when days earlier I went to get information on a local grief support group. I think these groups are great but when I met the leader I realized this group was not going to work for me. After being told I probably wouldn’t heal unless I spent $1000 in counseling with him. I left that meeting broken and angry but I was reminded of this call with Jacke. She shared her story, listened to mine and shared how God was giving her a vision for this ministry. Its amazing how God provided the right resource at the right time, even at this writing I am realizing just how much he directs our path. A book was published and a online support group was launched, daily devotional and then the beautiful dream of a retreat space. I cant believe we are already looking at Grieving moms retreat #3!
A mother is usually what some may call the glue of the family, the matriarch plays a very big roll. It makes sense that we are specifically supported.
grievingmoms.com
I had no plan to be here at this second Grieving Moms retreat. I was blessed enough to attend the first one. Not that I did not want to attend but with the moving and now working I was focused on settling in to this new direction I find myself in. My sister Shirley thought it important for me to attend so she began to raise money to send me. Of course I was not going to refuse, I was open to whatever the Lord had for me. This “open” place or space does not come from a willing, obedient place but a place of deep surrender. When life has you in a choke hold its so easy to tap.
I don’t feel defeated but just humbly surrendered. It is a choice to feel defeated or surrendered and in this instance I choose to “Just be” and to see what life has in store, better yet what God has in store for me after all I know His promise in Jeremiah 29:11.
I wouldn’t say I was a particularly rebellious or stubborn person but we all go through this journey of discovery. I made a decision about 35 years ago to follow Jesus Christ and for me it was not even a difficult decision because I had been searching for answers. I happen to be so blessed to have had a very supernatural encounter that changed me for life.
Recently in my 3rd move in just over a year (ugh) I came across a picture of this very moment. I totally forgot that a friend took a photo of me. She was looking for me and couldn’t find me, when she saw me she said that I looked so peaceful. I told her that God spoke to me, I told her what he said to me, I was crying. She told me “I was born again” and I said “what does that mean?” I didn’t even know! I knew about the “Jesus freak” hippies that liked to hang out at the pier and preach. Ha ha
When I came home my hubby Bill actually said “ What happened to you? You look different” and I said “God talked to me!” He called me a Jesus Freak and I said “Yes, I guess I am” I can proudly say Ive been a Jesus lovin’ freak ever since.
All this to say....even still the road to total surrender is so hard and on going.
When life hits you in the gut, it knock the wind out of you then you take a deep big breath in, or not. We get that choice. So back to the retreat. I had an opportunity this time to go and serve the ladies, again not looking to do this but the opportunity came up and I took it. I know how healing it is to serve others. It did feel different than the first time but both times I moved ahead, another step in my healing. It is so important to find others who understand and trusting God to lead, I found my tribe for the moment. Tribes change as we flow through life and its ok. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes “There is a time to laugh, there is a time to mourn...”
There is something supernatural being in a room full of women who all deeply get your heart, especially when they love Jesus just like you do. So powerful and so thankful for Jacke Von Workem who went forward with this vision. It gives this kind of pain a purpose. Romans 8:28
The retreat is not heavily structured, it leaves room for it to flow. The connecting with other moms seems to be very healing. Just giving time to talk and share for some, it is the first time they are able to share their heart with no judgements.
There are a few exercises planned with the intention to heal and to have a vision of what this new life looks like without our child. Losing a child, is like a major earthquake that has cracked the very foundation of your home. Extensive repairs are needed, to be able to rebuild the home. Have you ever lived in the middle of major construction in your home? The dust, the unsettled space, the chaos, the disappointments of unrealized expectations. This.....is a glimpse of what losing a child is like! I walk away from these retreats with a peace, first in knowing that other moms get it and share the same experiences and also getting some tips that can help you get through it. It really is no different then when I joined the mommy and me groups, or the homeschooling groups, or volunteered at youth groups etc. We go where there are others so we can learn from each other, lean on each other, support one another. If I can say anything to a grieving momma is this, there is help out there, there is a tribe for you don’t let your pain, your earthquake keep you buried in the rubble or as Jacke calls it Landslide.
We can breakthrough the rubble if we choose, Our hearts can be healed.
“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
2 Chronicles 16:9 a NLT
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