How appropriate that the day after Christmas is a Tuesday. You see, on Tuesdays, nice and early the neighbor's awesome gardener arrives to do their job with such efficiency and the most amazing machinesssss (plural) a lot of machines! And they seem to be using them all at once. *Pro- the job gets quicker
*Con- it is so LOUD!
Poor Michael, his bedroom window was right there, where all the action was. He would have a hard enough time sleeping but to be woken up to that noise sucked big time! I would ask the gardeners nicely about them coming later in the day and the guy would say yes but never seemed to happen. 😕
Every Tuesday morning I’d cringe and almost hold my breath praying it would end quickly. Now, the day after Christmas, I sit here in Michaels chair, the cringe is automatic, listening to those obnoxious machine still triggers me. My heart hurts, I really hate how loud they are but I just realized that now, it doesn’t matter anymore and that hurts even more. Either way it still hurts. #StupidLeafBlowers
I want to take a leaf blower to 2017 💥
Yesterday was Christmas Day, as I’m sure you can gather from the title. I was pretty much numb all day. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel and actually was anticipating a very emotional day but I think I was glad it was almost over. The whole month had been extra hard as the Holidays can really stir up so many memories and emotions. I had a couple of teary moments but for the most part, the heavy grief eluded me, while dreading the extra attention, being that it is also my birthday. Turns out it actually helped distract me. I had to allow myself to receive the love and attention. It took some effort but I am so glad I did, it is so healing! Many of my family were not ok however. I find so interesting how one of us can be strong so the others can grieve, then when I feel so weak and weepy, my husband or someone else can be strong for me. My husband Bill and my son Anthony really broke down Christmas morning. This was at least the one day or time we, for sure were all together. Grief is so hard but when you are the mom of the one who passed, and when you are the one who takes care of everyone, it is just that much harder. Its harder because I can’t help them, I cant fix it and that hurts my heart too. Those around me are trying to be so strong for me but they are grieving also. They lost a brother, a grandchild, a nephew. So in this this thing called GRIEF we will learn how to be together in the midst of the absence. How to be there for each other.
In my prayer time I asked the Lord “ How am I going to get through the next few days?”
And I hear Him say “ Reframe it”. So today we heal from our emotional hangover and find beauty in the not so beautiful things. Much like Charlie Brown and the “Ugly” Christmas tree. This Christmas, this dreaded “first Christmas without Micheal” wasn’t so ugly after all. How can it be? With so much love from my family? Their concern for me, for us, the love shown yesterday. Can there be beauty in something so tragic (ugly)? Yes, Charlie Brown thought so too. Christmas is now “Reframed”
Yorumlar